Your Secret's Safe With Me
by Blue.Rose.Marcella
Summary: So far Remus has had luck keeping his secret from his new best friends...Sirius, however, is far more perceptive and investigates...R/R.


**_A/N:_** Hey, guys. I'm back, yet again. The fifth book has given me loads of inspiration, so I've been writing feverishly ever since. This occurred to me while I was re-reading The Prisoner Of Azkaban, so I decided to write it. It's not necessarily how I picture things happening, but a cute and different way of portraying it. I hope you enjoy it! 

**Summary**: Remus has suffered through his first year at Hogwarts, neglecting to tell his friends his secret for fear of them disowning him. However, Sirius is far more perceptive than Remus may think... 

**Disclaimer**: JK owns the characters and settings. If I was that smart, I wouldn't be on fanfiction.net, would I? Linkin Park owns "Easier To Run" (the first song), and Our Lady Peace owns "Made Of Steel" (the song at the end). 

**Claimer**: I own Professor Sweet. 

*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*  
**Your Secret's Safe With Me**  
Written by:** Marcie**  
_Title inspired by the song:  
**Made Of Steel** by OLP  
*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~...*~* _

--------------------  
_*~It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone  
Something has been taken  
From deep inside of me  
A secret I've kept locked away  
No one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show,  
They never go away...~*_  
-------------------- 

The new day dawned at Hogwarts that April morning with a hesitant speed, the birds chirping somewhat unenthusiastically as Remus Lupin trudged through the grounds from the Whomping Willow back towards the castle, feeling emotionally and physically drained. He could hardly stand steadily on his own two legs. It was beginning to be too much. Every month it seemed as though more of his soul had been drained, like he was being Kissed by a dementor little by little.  


He tried to remember how long it had been that he had been transforming. He seemed to have lost count. The attack had been somewhere along the lines of his younger years, approximately before his sixth birthday.  


He closed his eyes as he walked and continued to drag his feet, remembering the day vividly though he could hardly place when it had occurred. He only remembered venturing into the woods after dark, against his parents' rules; and moments later lying on the ground staring up into the massive open jaws of the werewolf, feeling and smelling the hot, stale breath on his face and whimpering as the drops of drool that clung to his fangs began to release their grip and make contact with his face. He remembered wondering if he was about to die.  


But no, his fate was one much worse than death. He was doomed to a life of constant monthly exhaustion and torture. During his transformations he could not help but succumb to his constant hunger, but had no victims to feed on. Instead his jaws clamped around his own body in desperation, starving for the bitter taste of scarlet blood on his tongue. His voice was constantly hoarse from wailing in his monthly form, screaming and crying in pain as the two personalities inside his transformed mind collided and the sadistic wolf slowly sank its jaws into its prey: himself.  


Dumbledore had been extremely kind to Remus's' dilemma, offering him not only the educational opportunity of a lifetime that no other Headmaster would grant, but presenting him with the utmost concern and sincerity. Dumbledore was _concerned_ for Remus in a way that the young boy had not witnessed from anybody but his immediate relatives. Even grandparents and cousins and the such had shunned him because of his secret, isolating him from the family. Fortunately, his mother, father, brother, and sister managed to stay loyally at his side, loving him despite his abnormality.  


At long last, after what seemed like an eternity, he had reached the Fat Lady's portrait after a near run-in with Peeves on the first floor. The woman looked sympathetic towards Remus's condition, clicking her tongue at the bags under his eyes. "You poor dear, you poor dear, you look dreadful…Password?"  


"Hippogriff," Remus responded courteously, waiting patiently as the portrait swung open to allow his entrance. He clambered in, his eyelids weighing heavily down across his eyes, as he trekked up the staircase in the direction of the first year boys' dormitories.  


His mind was still quite occupied with various thoughts of the day regarding his fate. His first year, with the exception of his transformations, had been better than he could have hoped for. He had made the three best friends in the entire world. And they liked him for _him_, not someone they thought he was.  


He sighed dejectedly; he would one day have to inform them of his irregularity. However, he was terrified they would react negatively. He could just see Peter's small plump little face turning ashen white, his watery little eyes growing wide in disbelief. Sirius would refuse to meet his gaze, staring at the floor as though it harbored something far more fascinating than the conversation at hand. James would open his mouth and close it repeatedly, searching for something insightful to say of comfort. And then they would begin to avoid him. They would take different routes to class so that they would be sure he would not make an attempt to join them on the journey. They would close their hangings early each night so as to avoid all conversation. They would think he was…was…a _freak._  


His spirits now somewhat diluted, he opened the door to the dormitory to see that all of his roommates were calmly asleep in their beds, as they well should be. All except Sirius Black, whose hangings had been opened and wand lit as he feverishly scrawled across a rather large piece of parchment. Remus figured he could only be finishing up last minute homework.  


He entered the room as quietly as he could muster, hoping to retreat to his bed without Sirius taking notice. However, to his dire misfortune, his friend raised his head of black hair, meeting his eyes at once. His dark eyes seemed to be boring into Remus's, even as the werewolf turned away sheepishly, feeling the heat rising in his cheeks. He had been so close. He thought he would get safely to his bed without being acknowledged.  


"Oi, Remus, back so soon?" Sirius asked cheerfully, setting aside his parchment to put his concentration into their conversation. Lupin merely nodded gently.  


"Yeah…Mum's feeling much better now," he lied. How he hated being deceptive. His friends were the most important aspects of his life and here he was, lying through his teeth for the millionth time that term. He could feel Sirius's strange gaze burning into him like a branding rod, and instead opted to change the subject. "What are you working on, mate?"  


"Oh," Sirius remembered, seemingly having forgotten his task, anxious to procrastinate. Resignedly, he turned back to the parchment. "Last-minute homework for McGonagall. She'll have my head if I don't finish it. Even though she loves me," he added cheekily.  


Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Yes, Sirius, she simply adores you," he agreed with a hint of sarcasm. Truth be told, McGonagall often suspected Sirius first and foremost to be the culprit on several occasions. However, each time she scolded him, a small light seemed to glitter somewhere in the back of her eyes, a ghost of a smile playing across her pursed lips. It was as though somewhere in her thoughts, she admired Sirius's fun-loving spirit. Remus knew that Sirius was McGonagall's favorite student of all, though when Sirius taunted her to admit it, she would simply scoff and respond, "I do not select favorite pupils. I discourage favoritism." But every time those words left her lips, that faint glimmering smile would return, visible for only a split second before the stern gaze returned.  


"Going to sleep?" Sirius questioned as Remus flopped down into his four-poster, feeling the exhaustion already overcoming his senses. "You've got to wake up in less than two hours, anyway, mate."  


"I didn't get a lot of sleep back home, I was at Mum's side a lot," Remus bluffed, mentally kicking himself. "I'm not much hungry…I think I'll skip breakfast this morning."  


Sirius looked scandalized, but did not question his friend's judgment. He would not have received an intelligible answer, anyway, for Remus had already begun to drift away.  


~*~

  


"Reme? Remus? Rise and shine, beautiful!"  


Remus heard the faint sounds of Sirius's voice and chose to ignore him, rolling over in bed and burying his head beneath the soft down pillow, hoping to block out all noises that followed.  


"Remus! You told me to wake you up for our first class, mate!" He could feel a heavy weight on the end of his mattress as Sirius clambered onto Remus's bed, beginning to jump up and down, hoping to jostle Remus out of his deep sleep. "Wake up!"  


"Sirius," Remus muttered desperately, his voice sounding more hoarse than it had a couple hours ago. "Let me alone. I'm feeling ill…I don't think I'm feeling well enough to go to classes."  


The three boys exchanged looks with one another, expressing their deepest concerns with their mere glances, the only remaining noise being created by little Arthur Weasley as he gathered his things in the background. Remus, though often falling ill, had not missed a single set of lessons all year. "Remus? Are you sure?" James asked comfortingly as he reached his hand out to feel his friend's forehead. It did feel quite warm. "Would you like me to fetch Madam Pomfrey?"  


"No, no," Remus insisted vaguely, his voice sounding strained. Peter winced in worry for his friend, who did appear rather pale. "Don't tell Madam Pomfrey, she'll only insist on me staying in the infirmary for weeks on end…Honestly, I'm fine. Just feeling under the weather. I'll see you after classes, all right?"  


"All right…Will you be coming down for lunch?" asked James seriously.  


"Unlikely."  


"Dinner?"  


"Depends. Go on, mate, I'll be fine."  


With that, the remaining three were left with no choice. They retreated from the room and began their journey down to the Great Hall, unspoken worry filling their hearts for their friend.  


Remus, meanwhile, lay in his four-poster, wishing desperately to catch up on lost sleep. Last night had been even more stressful than previous transformations. His werewolf form was getting tired of the same day-after-day torture as he continued to chew on himself for lack of anything better to do. He was lonely. There was an empty place in his heart that was not filled when he faced each full moon. He wished for nothing more than company.  


He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. There were no chances, however, of him maintaining any sort of company in his wolf state; werewolves did not attack animals, only humans. Even if he did come to the decision to tell his friends, they could not stay with him every month. He would kill them. Or worse…Turn them into one of him. He would not subject his friends to such terrors, such a horrible fate. They had been nothing but kind to him and he could not bear for them to suffer.  


"Remus?" spoke a timid voice from the doorway. The aforementioned boy lifted his head and opened his eyes enough to allow the figure to come into focus. Shy Arthur Weasley stood there, adjusting his glasses nervously as he watched his roommate, as if searching for the right words. "I…I hope you feel better." Remus smiled softly to himself. Weasley was so afraid of what people thought of him, so hesitant to make friends. Lupin nodded gently.  


"Thank you, Arthur. Have a good day."  


Weasley nodded timidly, his face as red as his hair in his courage to initiate conversation with another wizard, and with a tentative smile, exited the room. Remus turned his face back into his pillow, however, could not bring himself to find slumber once more. His thoughts were traveling elsewhere and would not stop to rest. He was faced with a significant decision; he only hoped he made the correct choice, for the sake of his friendships.  


~*~

  


"He did look a bit off-color, didn't he?" Peter was saying as the three exited the Great Hall and made their way to Defense Against The Dark Arts in a hurry, having lingered too long at breakfast. Peter had to practically jog to keep up with James's and Sirius's strides.  


"Yes…He came in awfully early. It's a bit odd, isn't it, that his Mum would send him back so early in the morning?" Sirius questioned. "He seemed quite off-center, as well, as though he was distressed about something or other."  


"Maybe his Mum's sicker than he's letting on," James suggested. "And that's why he's sick today: maybe he got wind of the virus."  


"Maybe…But it seems doubtful to me," Peter replied, seemingly deep in thought. "He's gone so frequently…I reckon it's something more complex than he's letting on."  


The other two pondered this observation as they entered their classroom, ushered into their seats by Professor Sweet. She was a petite, cheery woman who adored teaching the particular course.  


"Okay, okay, class! Take your seats! We have an exciting lesson to go through today!"  


Peter, James, and Sirius, being the last to enter the room, took seats in that very same order in the back row where they normally sat. The seat on Sirius's other side remained empty due to the absence of its usual occupant. Professor Sweet paused in confusion.  


"Where is young Lupin?" she questioned worriedly, her cheeks flushing in concern.  


"Feeling ill, Professor," James offered. Sirius's eyes, however, were trained on the greasy-haired git in the second row, Severus Snape, who he sniggered under his breath at the news.  


"Oh, dear me, 'tis the season for illness, I suppose. All right, back to our topic at hand…Werewolves." And with that, Professor Sweet began her lecture, though the three in the back paid little attention to her words. Peter and James were involved in the continued conversation from earlier, though Sirius became half-consciously immersed in the class discussion, surprisingly. He had been fascinated by werewolves since he was a young boy, and found himself drawn into Professor Sweet's lecture.  


"And, as we all know from childhood stories and such, werewolves transform once a month with the full moon. As you can see from this lunar chart,"—she pointed to a poster hovering at the front of the room—"last night, itself was a full moon. So if you know any werewolves, be glad you stayed away from them last night," she explained, laughing lightly at her own added humor along with the rest of the class.  


Sirius studied the chart, squinting to see the numbers more clearly. And then, it occurred to him.  


_"Last night, itself was a full moon…be glad you stayed away from them last night,"_ Professor Sweet's words repeated in his mind, as though dropping a very explosive bomb in his brain.  


"And werewolves tend to—Yes, Mr. Black?" Professor sweet asked fearfully, seeing that Sirius's hand had shot up into the air. She and the rest of the class were astonished at his participation.  


"How do you?—" he began hesitantly, but forced himself to continue. "How do you tell if someone you know is a werewolf?"  


Professor Sweet paused for a moment, then broke into a smile in Sirius's direction. James and Peter were still neglecting to pay attention. "Well, Mr. Black…If this person does not interact on the nights of a full moon, and seems to feel ill or exhausted at this time of the month, then that may be a good indication; but your guess is as good as mine."  


She opened her mouth to continue her lecture, until Sirius's hand shot up again. At this rate, everyone in the class was most likely in danger of going into cardiac arrest out of shock. "Y-yes, Mr. Black?"  


"Is it true that a werewolf is only lethal to humans?"  


Professor Sweet paused once more. "That is correct, Mr. Black." She looked at him with a hint of suspicion. "Why the sudden interest in my lessons?" she ventured with a good-natured smile. Sirius shrugged, forcing a laugh.  


"I just always thought werewolves were interesting," he admitted, hoping it was a good enough explanation. Fortunately, Professor Sweet accepted his response and continued with her explanation.  


Sirius turned to James and Peter, who had been so absorbed in the conversation of Remus's condition that they had not even noticed a thing about the class discussion.  


~*~

  


"Oi, Sirius," James called that night as he sat in the common room, beckoning his best friend over to him. Sirius looked up from his game of Exploding Snap with a third-year boy and excused himself, trudging over to James.  


"Yes?"  


James was holding a familiar-looking roll of parchment in his hands, staring at Sirius in disbelief. "You've already finished Professor Sweet's essay on werewolves…Why?"  


Sirius debated whether to tell James about his theory, however, decided against it until he was sure. Therefore, he shrugged, and reached out to take his essay back. "Thought it was fascinating."  


James raised a skeptical brow but said no more, turning back to work on his own along with Peter.  


Sirius began to head back towards the boy he had been playing Exploding Snap with, but he had retreated to talk amongst other friends. Sirius sighed dejectedly and decided to inquire as to how Remus was feeling. He made his way up the stairs and to the boys' first year dormitory, thinking thoroughly and carefully of how he would bring up his knowledge about werewolves to Remus without offending him.  


He opened the door slowly, ecstatic to find that Arthur Weasley was absent from the room, giving Sirius and Remus the privacy to discuss the pressing matter at hand. Sirius entered the dormitory quietly, so as not to startle his friend, closing the door gently behind him. Remus was sitting up in bed, thumbing through his Transfiguration textbook, seemingly attempting to catch up on homework. Upon Sirius's entrance, he glanced up and smiled. "Hullo, Sirius…First visit I've had all afternoon, 'cept McGonagall. It's been rather lonely up here all by myself all day long."  


Sirius offered a hesitant smile in return, heading over to Remus's bedside and taking a seat on the foot of his mattress. "I reckon you're feeling quite better now?"  


Remus nodded, his smile still plastered to his face. "Loads better. What did we do in Defense Against The Dark Arts today?" he ventured, then gestured to the books in his lap. "I've already gotten caught up on Transfiguration, thanks to McGonagall's visit during lunch."  


Sirius sighed softly. How would he go about presenting the topic delicately? Remus's smile faltered ever so slightly at Sirius's reaction to his inquiry. "Well? Out with it, mate."  


Sirius studied his friend's face carefully, thinking back to all the times Remus had disappeared for the night and come back feeling ill the next morning. The inexplicable exhaustion; and the scratches and bruises on his body. The more Sirius considered it, the more positive he was about Remus's misfortune.  


"Lupin," he began straightforwardly, throwing all caution to the wind. "I know."  


Remus shook his head, as if to say he did not understand. His smile was still present. "Know what, Sirius?"  


"Today in Defense, we studied werewolves," Sirius explained. Remus's smile was no longer visible as he foresaw Sirius's next words. "About how each month a werewolf undergoes a transformation. Every full moon—like the one last night." Any hints of the smile that had been so vibrant on Remus's face only moments ago were completely diminished, leaving only a terrified expression. "Remus. I reckon I'm not a brilliant bloke, but I'm not a bloody moron, either. I could put two and two together." He stared his friend straight in the eye. "You're a werewolf. Aren't you?"  


Remus looked so mortified that Sirius thought he was going to burst into tears at any given moment. At last, he looked down at his bed sheets in shame, nodding slowly. "You're right. I am."  


Sirius could think of nothing more to say. He was rather taken aback, actually. He had half expected Remus to chortle and shake his head, remarking, "Where did you get an idea like that, Black? You're reading too much into things." But instead, he had hidden his face and admitted that Sirius was correct.  


Sirius wasn't sure he'd _ever_ been told he was correct before.  


"Go ahead," Remus murmured. "Go ahead and run away. Isolate me. Forget about our friendship. This is what it's supposed to be like, after all, isn't it?" he asked, looking straight into his friend's eyes. "I'm supposed to be shunned for my abnormality. Every wizarding school in the world would have refused me—but not Dumbledore. Yes, he knows. He's been quite kind to me, actually, and has developed ways of helping me through it. I'm sorry I disappointed you—that I turned out to be a—a freak, instead of just a good friend. You're not supposed to _know_, Sirius!" he declared finally, his voice cracking in pain. "You're not supposed to know…"  


Sirius examined Remus's face from the roots of his light brown hair to the tears rolling off his chin. Never before had he seen Remus looking so terrified. So insecure and afraid and—lonely. It was a horrible sight to witness, watching as Remus became redder in the face with every word and how he fought the tears residing in his powder blue eyes.  


"I can't believe you'd say that for one second," Sirius admitted softly. Remus looked at him questioningly.  


"What?"  


"Everything you just said," Sirius began, putting a brotherly hand on Remus's shoulder and staring him straight in the eye. "Remus, you're one of my best mates. I would never be disappointed in you, much less call you a freak and run," he explained seriously, hoping for a good reaction from his friend. "I don't like that you would think that about me, either."  


Remus wiped away the most recent tear that had dribbled off his eyelashes, looking at Sirius as though he had three heads. "You mean…You still want to be friends with me?"  


Sirius scoffed good-naturedly. "Lupin, I'm afraid you can't rid of me _that_ easily. You'll have to do a lot more than turn into a werewolf once a month to scare me away."  


Remus harbored an expression that seemed as though Christmas had come early. "You—I thought for sure you would—I didn't think I'd have any friends left…You really don't mind that I'm so abnormal?"  


Sirius responded with a dismissing wave of his hand. "So you're a werewolf. Big deal. We all have our faults. Take all of us, for example. I can't dance to save my life. James sounds like a dying cow when he sings. Peter doesn't have enough agility to beat a sloth in a relay race. And you're a werewolf." He shrugged. "Nobody's perfect, much less _normal_."  


Remus continued to beam in Sirius's direction, eternally grateful for his friend's consideration. "Do James and Peter know yet?" he asked, though the dark attitude was gone. Judging by his tone of voice, he had no worries about alerting his other companions about his condition, assuming they'd take it the same way Sirius had.  


Sirius shook his head. "No, I wasn't positive, so I didn't say anything. They weren't paying attention during Professor Sweet's class, so they haven't a clue, as far as I know. They're down there doing their werewolf essays though, as we speak, so perhaps they'll figure it out."  


As if on cue, Peter and James both burst into the dormitory, seemingly out of breath from flying up the stairs, pointing at Remus and making unintelligible beginning fragments to their sentences. Peter was holding what looked suspiciously like his werewolf essay, waving it around in the air as if Remus could gather what that meant.  


"Oi, you guys are out of shape," Sirius joked. "Figured it out, too, eh?" he gathered, gesturing to Remus. James took a deep breath and managed to regain his composure sooner than Peter.  


"Remus…you're a werewolf," he whispered, trying to slow his speeding heart. Remus nodded in confirmation.  


"Yes, I am." He studied James and Peter for a moment, frowning, anticipating their reactions. "Does that…change things?"  


At this, Peter grinned, clutching the stitch in his side and breathing heavily. "Only one," he responded. "Every month with the full moon, you are no longer going to be alone."  


Remus crinkled his brow in confusion. "What do you mean? You guys can't come with me," he stated defiantly, turning white at the very notion. "I…I would kill you guys! I won't let that happen, I'm not even going to risk it."  


James was smiling cheekily though as he strutted over to Remus's bedside and flipped through his Transfiguration book, landing on a particular page and pointing anxiously.  


"Animagi. Learned about it in Transfiguration today," he explained vaguely. Remus, aloud, read over the few paragraphs that explained how complex the magic was of transforming from human to animal and how it took immense motivation and concentration. He looked back to James.  


"What does this mean?"  


"It means," Sirius began, catching on. "That we're going to learn it so that we can go with you each full moon. You only harm humans, not animals."  


Remus looked scandalized.  


"No, guys, it's complicated magic, you heard it. Plus you have to register, and you three are well under-age…"  


Sirius dismissed the rule with a wave of his hand. "Under-age. Load of rubbish. Nobody has to know but the four of us."  


Remus looked through his three friends once more, as though studying their faces to make sure that they were serious about the idea. Then, at last, he said, "It will take a lot of work…"  


"We're willing to sacrifice some time," Peter piped up enthusiastically.  


"Anything for a friend," James agreed.  


Friend. That word had been so foreign only a year ago. Remus watched them as they launched into an excited discussion about what sort of animal they would want to become. Sirius leapt off his seat, going off about black bears and panthers. And, as Lupin noticed the sincerity of their voices even through their explosion of joyous fantasies of the future, he realized that for the first time in his life, he knew what the word "friend" truly meant. 

--------------------  
_*~...And it's not your fault it gets this hard  
Gets this hard...  
They knock you down  
I'll pick you up  
They laugh at you  
I'll shut them up...  
Hold your head high  
Don't look down  
I'm by your side  
Won't back down  
You wanted a hero tonight  
Well I'm not made of steel  
I'm not made of steel  
But your secret's safe with me...~*  
_-------------------- 

**_END_**

**_A/N:_** Please review with comments, questions, or concerns! 


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